Days…..

Days…


Ok, so clearly I have lost track of the days, and just in case it wasn't already obvious, I momentarily lost my resolve as well.  Maybe lost isn't the best word.  Misplaced.  That's it, I momentarily misplaced my resolve.

Fortunately, this journey wasn't intended to be an all or nothing New Year's Resolution to be dropped until next year, although recommencing seems to be tougher than beginning.  This was intended to be a catalyst for healthy living.  So the question is, why is it so hard to make healthy choices? And when does it get easier?

 Maybe I shouldn't have jumped in head first.  Maybe I should have taken away one thing at a time, instead of going from 0 to 50 right after the time of year when we gorge ourselves with artery clogging goodness and then swear it off.  No wonder it doesn't work. When I take the puppy outside to potty in the freezing cold, it always takes me a long time to warm back up, and I tend to overcompensate by raising the heat or adding layers.  When I raise the heat, I inevitably wake up sweating a couple of hours later.  Similarly, when I jump right into a fast/cleanse, I overcompensate for the deprivation by either overdoing it all at once, or for an extended period of time.

That being said, I am not restarting my detox.  I am, however, reframing the boundaries.  I need to start slowly so that I don't binge on whatever when I start to crave it.  My body is so used to being driven by substances, such as caffeine, that to take everything away all at once has the opposite effect.  I'm tempted to boldly claim the things that I will or will not do in the days to come.  But I won't.  There are so many changes that I want to make, but I have to accept that they can't all be made at once.  Instead of refraining from all the things I've grown accustomed to, I need to remove one thing at a time while replacing it with another.

I have been silently tossing some ideas around about which changes are pertinent and which ones can wait.  The most important thing that I've let slip is my quiet time with God.  That is when I gain wisdom and strength.  God strengthens me, but I have a really bad habit of walking a crooked line.  Fortunately, He is always waiting in the middle.  That's what grace means to me.  I swerve to the left and the right, but he is always there in the middle waiting to ease me forward a little more.

And the light bulb goes off.  No wonder my journey hasn't been successful.  I have been going it alone.  Tad-a!  The journey wasn't meant to be a lonely one.  Good thing it doesn't have to be!!!  Looks like I have uncovered the first step.